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25.Feb.2011 Freaky Friday



Oh, I get it. Beer thirty means it’s time to drink. Because it’s in the same format as a time of day would be, except in place of the hour is the word “beer”. Like drinking. Hilarious. How did all three of this comical geniuses (the likes of which this world hasn’t seen since the riotous comedienne Paula Poundstone) come up with the same quip at the same time?

I only wish I could be so clever.

Thanks to B., J. and R. for submitting!

18.Feb.2011 Stop Everything, Guys. Melissa’s Gangster.

I’m sure that you looked FUCKIN’ AWESOME while you were cruising listening to gangster rap, you bad ass, you. We have all felt that way, speeding down the high way, breeze blowing through our hair, etc. I get it. But let me tell you this: advertising it in your status update is pretty much like getting out of the car, stopping traffic and saying, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT WHAT I’M DOING NOW! DON’T I LOOK UNEXPECTEDLY GANGSTER?!!?!”

I mean, you should so be in a rap video.

17.Feb.2011 Who Are You Talking To?

If this guys is the voice of reason in his circle of friends, I am really, really scared.

Thanks to R for sending!

16.Feb.2011 Floweruary Is The Least Wonderful Time of the Year

At first when I was invited to Floweruary, I thought it was a Not So Bad idea. February can be sort of dreary and I thought that if sticking flowers in your hair made you happier, then more power to you.

But then I read the event page, which was actually pretty annoying.

It appears just to be another outlet for people’s narcissism, as it is a proven fact that nobody wants to see daily updates of other people’s hair– with or without flowers.

And then I started getting updates in my feed like this at least once a day:

And I thought, no, you were wrong the first time. Floweruary is awful.

11.Feb.2011 It’s Gleek Gleekend!

Melissa: Here’s a 12 step program – you’re not 12. So stop watching “Glee”.
Pat: Sounds like you’ve got bigger problems than just a “Glee” addiction.”
Helen: Have you met Yvonne?

B: Thanks for submitting!

09.Feb.2011 Fake FB Account Here!

My suspicion: “Daryl” is actually the government, and this FB profile was created to blast people with happily-married nonsense to brainwash them into getting hitched and having more babies and buying dishwashers and flying on Continental/United so the American race will increase and dominate the universe.

And it’s so not working. I just sliced off my ring finger and I’m thinking about going lesbo. Who’s with me?

08.Feb.2011 How to Marry an Effing Moron in Ten Days.

The only thing legit Angel has ever said: thisĀ is complicated.

Thanks to our anonymous submitter!

07.Feb.2011 Supper Bole 45

Close…
Closer…
Well, he spelled “Packers” correctly…

Thanks to T., C. and D for submitting!

01.Feb.2011 Cake is Always Better When Moist

Today’s post comes to us from my favorite blog in the world (besides this glorious blog, of course): Cake Wrecks. The blog is all about professional cakes that go “horribly, hilariously wrong”, and trust me, it is hilarious. Lucky for us, this cake was taken off facebook and thus is completely relevant to this blog (just go with it).

I mean, I know that 21st birthdays are all about boozing and sexing, but did you really have to get a cake with a vagina shoe on it?

31.Jan.2011 These Are A Few Of Astrid’s Favorite Things

Our submitter, J, who is clearly a Mega A-Hole, writes:

Dear Astrid,
Fuck you!
Kisses,
J

A good person would say, “how lovely that Astrid can find joy in the simple things in life, like a rainbow.”

Unfortunately we can’t really understand that kind of thinking, either. Also, quick question: Is Astrid claiming that she enjoyed it, all to herself? Because that is some bullshit. I saw that rainbow, too, and bitch– I called it first.

What is it about people who are this happy. All the time. About everything.

?

Thanks for submitting, J.