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Posts Tagged "Get Over Yourself"

26.Jan.2011 I Wish I May I Wish I Might

10 seconds later… I love me, too! But I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a ’64 Impala. I wish I was like six-foot-nine so I could […]

24.Jan.2011 What Rhymes With Vomit?

You know what sucks about some poets? They think everything they do is artistic and awesome and you cannot convince them otherwise. Cause they’re so artsy! It’s like trying to convince born again Christians that the Bible isn’t inerrant. Or maybe you wouldn’t understand. Cause you’re not artsy like Kelly and Staci. Hey guys, that […]

16.Dec.2010 I Guess Nobody Else Has Anything To Be Thankful For

I was getting all pissed off last night, listening to CNN’s crunkity old Sam Donaldson argue with Piers Morgan about Facebook and Twitter. Donaldson is one of those people who thinks he’s better than everyone because he has been completely been left behind in social media. “If everyone is a conversationalist, how are you going […]

08.Dec.2010 Facebook Status Updates 2.0

Here’s how this works: you text April a number and a question, and she will respond to you in her status message! This is brilliant– I am kicking myself for not thinking of it first. My only worry is that April will run out of ways to make love to herself.

17.Nov.2010 Doctor Douchebag Is Now Taking Calls

I hate it when people don’t appreciate a good opportunity. Thanks for sending, A!

20.Jul.2010 #567

Allow me to paraphrase each choc-full-o-wisdom status. Status 1: Some people have your back. Status 2: Heartbreak doesn’t excuse a man for acting a fool. Status 3: Women hate to be lied to. Also gay lovers. THANKS TO L. FOR SUBMITTING.

19.Jul.2010 #564

Betcha didn’t see that one coming, April. Maybe that means that some of your 4,000+ friends aren’t such admiring fans as you imagine. (Oh yeah, click here, too.) Also, WHY-oh-WHYIIEEE do people feel the need to announce their Facebook friend purges? Go ahead and do it, and forever hold your peace. People are not nearly […]

16.Jun.2010 #523

Read this post, then go home to your boyfriend, or best friend, or wife, or mom, or lover/pool boy, and thank them for not being Melyssa. They may not know what you are talking about, but after reading this submission (from A — thanks!), I am aware how grateful I am for my friends, and […]

13.May.2010 #479

Look everybody, it’s the Second Coming of Christ! I mean, it’s The Purge! If The Purge ever does happen, you can bet Alex’s friends will be psyched. I mean, who do you have to sleep with to be purged around here? Thanks for submitting, T. Promise you won’t purge us ever, we’ll just die.

25.Feb.2010 #383

I am too annoyed to actually address what’s going on here. I’d much rather have fun with some YSIA MADLIBS!!!!!!!! List the following things: Well first, condescendingly address your audience. List a crappy thing you’re rumored to be doing. List a much cooler thing that is actually the juicy truth. List something that will get […]