Instead of staying inside her house getting drunk and ham-sick with her neighbors’ dogs, Janet decided to share every depressing detail of her (Christmas) day with her Facebook friends, surely driving everyone to mass Xmas suicide. It’s hard to get pumped about egg nog when you’re worrying about broken, crying Janet getting lost or hit […]
You know what’s more annoying than President Obama telling you to vote over and over again is? Megan M. telling everyone about President Obama telling us to vote over and over again. Although now that Megan M. has blasted “Barrack” all over the intra-web, I’m sure he’ll think twice before he interrupts my Ke$ha-listening time […]
You have nothing incredible to say as opposed to what, telling us about your bath in your “casa”? Incredible.
Much like Chuck Norris, Austin is a man of few words, but not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face. The Four Hoursemen of the Apocalypse actually live in his nutsack. He knows where Carmen Sandiego is. He once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes […]
In case you don’t order Domino’s online and then incessantly check the status of your Bacon Cheeseburger Feast pizza, let me fill you in – this pizza delivery chain will update you on your pie non-stop (including employee names) until it reaches your door. I imagine that if this constant updating went both ways, that […]
I’m pretty sure this is exactly why facebook was invented, right? I’m just glad to see that Renee has put it to such good use. Also note, this image was one of FOUR just like it, sent by M. (Thanks M.!)
Whoever this lucky guys is, I’m sure he is shitting his pants right now. Let’s hope he is Facebook friends with Tiffany so he can see what he’s getting himself into. In case you didn’t have time to read the whole post, let me assure you, this status update has everything: A 30 year-old-ex-virgin who […]
I was going to make Jessica a great offer. For only $10,000 a day, she could call me every morning and I would say, “Jessica. You are hottest, most gorgeous human being on the face of the earth, but you are also like soooo nice and humble. Due to everyone else’s insecurities, you are under […]
Hey! Watching the deterioration of this whirlwind romance in reverse is just like that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! Except Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind didn’t make me want to GOUGE MY EYES OUT@)#($*)!$!@!! According to our submitter J, this all happened in about the span of a week. Thanks for sending […]
You know what’s worse than a poorly executed joke that sucks in the first place? Butt herpes. That is all. Thanks, S, for submitting!