Back in my day we had to walk uphill to facebook in the snow. BOTH WAYS. And if we used those dagnabbit ellipses we’d get slapped on the wrist. SLAPPED ON THE WRIST I TELLS YA. And the incorrect conjugation of contractions? Well that would send ya to the fools corner where ya’d hafta sit [...]
While you were wasting time on Mother’s Day having brunch with your boring old mom and awkward childless aunt, adorable soon-to-be teenage mom Shea (age 18) celebrated mothers day by dreaming of booze all day long. So… don’t you feel stupid, brunch-man. Thanks to H. for submitting!
If you have a fucking aneurysm every time someone doesn’t use Victorian English, why haven’t you died yet? Here on Facebook, we play dirty, and that means lots of improper (awesome) twists on the English language. If you can’t keep up, log off of Facebook, make yourself a cup of tea, pick up some Charles [...]
For the record Ben turned 23 a week later. Nailed it, Aunt Chris. Thanks to T. for submitting! p.s. – since Aunt Chris doesn’t have a profile picture, I went ahead and found a good photo of her from last year’s family ho-down.
You know I love it when people post about their chest workouts. But for some reason this post didn’t please me in the same way. Maybe that’s because after I read it and went to bed last night, this frightening lady appeared in my dreams, in a string of disturbing nightmares where she tried to [...]
What’s that, Lassie? You say Timmy fell down the well? I’m not totally sure what this person is trying to communicate. But I do know that I don’t want to know about the bacteria in her urine. Thank you to our anonymous submitter!
Stop bragging. Who WASN’T Lil-Kid-Chest-Punching yesterday? After all, it was Monday. Unless the children are at LEAST yellow belts or Eagle Scouts, I don’t really see what the big deal is. Gonna go roundhouse some puppies in the face now, then go to the Retirement Center for Swirlie Tuesday. Anybody free tomorrow for Awful Waffle [...]
Alright, guys. We’ve been commissioned by Lisa to pray for her grandma — she is way too swamped with her seven hour McDonalds shift. In fact, while we’re at it, we should probably pray for her, too, because work sucks. Especially when you have turdy friends like Matt who probably hang out for hours with [...]