Well I had a bad day too, Melissa. My motor blew up in my car while my pet bunny Mr. Cottontail was sleeping under the hood of my car. So… I guess I had the worst day of all. Except for Kim and Latricia, that is. Thanks to S. for submitting!
As a big fan of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy, I thought maybe I was just frustrated at the yellow dude for not recognizing the hilariousness. Then I realized that it’s not just my bias, yellow dude is actually very stupid. Thanks to K. for submitting!
Why in the world would Katie disrupt this adorable (albeit mildly annoying) baby-talk status to share with the world her insecurities in dream form? I don’t walk into Katie’s motel room whilst she’s cheating on her husband to tell her about how my baby says “pascetti” instead of “spaghetti”, do I?? Thanks to A. for [...]
Hmm. Most people would consider a poor kid getting some nice stuff for Christmas or a family member getting better just in time for the holidays a Christmas Miracle. But you’re totally right Dinah. Napping is pretty miraculous too. Also note: how is Janice still employed?
Well I pretty much haven’t been out of bed in a year… so… I’ve been in bed a lot longer than you have. So… And my iud slipped out twice, so I had twins. And then those twins had twins, so… basically I’m the queen of iud slip-outs. And I’ve basically had the roughest year, [...]
OMG Saraaaah is totally right. How disgusting and desperate do you have to be to try and boost your ego via a facebook status? That hoe is a total bulldog garden snake tramp who looks like a rubber doll house and has no class. Unlike me (and Saraaaah). Thanks to our submitter, J., who has [...]
If there is one thing I don’t want my mom bring up on my facebook page it’s my former obsession with Pokémon. Other things I don’t want brought up: My pog collection (though I did have an impressive number of slammers) My sticker books My Barney VHS tapes That time I ate a dog treat [...]
I always forget that “adhesive” doesn’t mean “grower” too, Sara! Too bad Christopher wasn’t there sooner with his exact definition… Also, maybe Sierra (pot) will realize tomarrow [sic] that calling Sara (kettle) names (black) isn’t very nice. Thanks to L. for submitting!
Jackie is the reason underpaid, under-thanked, under-appreciated workers lose their minds and go on killing sprees. If I was bagging these girls’ groceries I wouldn’t just put the detergent with the fruit, I’d shit in the bag. I’d like to thank our anonymous submitter for sending (and the artwork), and apologize to our readers for [...]
Allow me to introduce you to the Renaissance Man of annoying status updates. Vague pleas for help status updates? Check. Obscure status updates that make sense to no one but him and maybe one other person? Check. Philisophical nonsense status update? Check. Butterflies? Check. Thanks to C. for submitting!