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Posts Tagged "You’re a Sandwich Snob"

28.Sep.2010 #643

Jackie is the reason underpaid, under-thanked, under-appreciated workers lose their minds and go on killing sprees. If I was bagging these girls’ groceries I wouldn’t just put the detergent with the fruit, I’d shit in the bag. I’d like to thank our anonymous submitter for sending (and the artwork), and apologize to our readers for [...]

27.May.2010 #499

First of all, the only way you can force me to look at your vacation slides is if you have me over for dinner, fill me up with delicious food, get me drunk, and then “accidentally” seduce me into your sitting room and “stumble upon” the photos. You know, like “oh, look… what the?? Oh [...]

06.May.2010 #470

If you have a fucking aneurysm every time someone doesn’t use Victorian English, why haven’t you died yet? Here on Facebook, we play dirty, and that means lots of improper (awesome) twists on the English language. If you can’t keep up, log off of Facebook, make yourself a cup of tea, pick up some Charles [...]

09.Apr.2010 #436

Cut the crap, Candace. I don’t care what kind of hoidy-toidy research (there is never a need to use the word “microbes” in a status update) you have to back up your claim. PEEING IS STUPID. END OF STORY. Also, I posted this image exactly as it was submitted, which means the photoshopping was done [...]

06.Apr.2010 #431

We have been pretty clear thus far how we feel about facebook eulogies. And let me take this opportunity to make my stance on McDonald’s breakfasts for children clear as well: Thanks to S. for submitting!

01.Apr.2010 #426

Totally with you, Taylor. I only get beers on MONDAY if I’ve accidentally left my kids on the bus or something. It’s been a big week for Taylor, let’s give her a hand!

26.Mar.2010 #419

That has a fa├žade of befalling an indubitable aggregate of tom foolery, I can postulate by your articulate mother tongue that you are of the breed of the most impertinent personage I have ever foregathered. Would you fancy osculating my mammilla with your tongue? O, merriment! Blow winds and crack your cheeks! Thanks for sending, [...]

24.Mar.2010 #415

Gross. Due to the pervasive pretentiousness and mega who-gives-a-shit factor of this post, I can only assume that Craig Brian really needs to get laid. (I am not offering my own services — as you are well aware, I have a Really Hot Boyfriend Named Craig.) Thanks for sending, I!

17.Mar.2010 #406

You Are An Ass Spelunker / Fuck / Off Thanks for sending, W!

13.Jan.2010 #333

Deirdre seems to have scoured all the Ghana guide books out there — she knows what continent it’s in. And for all you out there who may not know, Africa is in the world. Which is in the Milky Way Galaxy. Which is in the Universe. After that, shit gets complicated. Also, this sounds suspicious [...]

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