Your Status is Annoying |

Posts Tagged "You’re hired"

28.Dec.2009 #313

I was hitting the snooze button on this one until Joe Blow swooped in AND MADE IT AWESOME. Thanks, A!

21.Dec.2009 #304

Does anybody else imagine this guy has a ruler tattoo starting at his heel that goes up the entire side of his body? And on weekends he stands naked for hours in the middle of a cornfield, waiting for the snow to start falling? And as he runs wildly away to go blog about the […]

09.Dec.2009 #287

Some things you need to know in order to understand the full effect of Jarrett’s annoying-ness: 1. He does not have a girlfriend, so who knows where all this love is directed 2. Justin Bieber is a teen pop singer who was born in 1994 3. Jarrett is a grown-ass man (not a 12 year […]

07.Dec.2009 #283

I laughed my ass off before I even read this status update, because it was prefaced in the e-mail with a message from our submitter (Thanks, F. You’re hired): This is some kid I went to high school with and never talked to, who insisted on friend requesting me on facebook over and over again […]

03.Dec.2009 #280

Are we talking about the same Kelly Clarkson who starred in From Justin to Kelly? Yeah because I just cannot take that shit seriously. Kelly’s advice is just not applicable to me, ever. Unless I’m a helpless, crying loser who does not hook up and thinks her life sucks. But I’m not. Are you, Kelli? […]

18.Nov.2009 #257

Our submitter, L., writes: Dan, quit your day job so we can make a a cynical love child who will end up making fun of Mike’s kid (known as the classroom pants wetter). So… when Michael’s children come to him and ask why they’re taunted and tormented because of their accidental school-time-pee-parties, he’ll have to […]

13.Nov.2009 #252

From our submitter, Samantha (THANKS! You’re hired): see, everyone was having fun quoting Mitch Hedberg until Kari showed up… and promptly CTRL-Z‘ed two thousand years of cultural advancement by all of human civilization. Beans, Samantha

12.Nov.2009 #251

Thank you, Jewly, for stepping in, here. If there were more people out there like you, we wouldn’t have to have this blog in the first place. Also, thanks to J for submitting. Apparantly, Kyle is an “airport luggage guy”, which explains the retarded picture he’s posted, (bitchesssssss!) Kyle is right about one thing — […]

09.Nov.2009 #247

This gripping reality that Kirk so poignantly brings to light may be too tough for some to come to terms with. Including me. Is it true, Kirk? Are we not actually friends? I haven’t uttered a word to you since my freshman year of college, but could you really mean it – you and I […]

30.Oct.2009 #237

Since tomorrow is Halloween, we thought we’d get all kooky on you and post a status update we don’t think is annoying. This is GREAT. Thanks for sending it our way, Rita! Thanks to a comment from Parth last week, we’ve been toying with the idea of posting status updates that we actually like, because […]